Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.43
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt
-Mark Twain
Are you currently depressed? Do you currently have some issue with the way you look? Do you think your body odor is terrible? Do you think that you are not that good at taking showers? If you answered, 'yes' to any of these questions then you should make an appointment to renew your driver's license. I spent this morning renewing mine. Well really the process started last week. Knowing that I needed to renew my license and knowing that you need a lot more than the last time I got my license (A cute smile, and an old license) I went to the internets to discover what I needed. Turns out you can take one of several items including a passport, certified birth certificate, social security card, W-2, military ids and you will need to bring at least two pieces of mail with your name on it. You can find all that information by searching online with 'renew driver's license in Utah, what do I need.' I was amazed at some of the stuff I had to provide, the strangest being a stool sample taken within 48 hours of renewing your license. So my second attempt of renewing my license began today around 9:30 when I arrived at the DLD building in West Valley. Before exiting my car I already had a confidence boost from the group of people hanging out in front of the building. Right when you walk into the building you get into line, now if you are prepared you will have your form all filled out prior to getting there. I did. Then begins one of my least favorite things about humans; their inability to maintain proper distance between people while waiting in line. I have never understood this because in America where we respect the line and wait "patiently" for our turn you can't get ahead of the person in front of you. I know that in other countries the more aggressive person will get their order taken first by speaking up first or by making themselves more noticeable by waving their arms and screaming as if they were on fire. The person behind me, who waited in the line the entire time until somebody told him that it was their second time through the line that day because they didn't have proper documentation, realized that he didn't have the correct paper work so he exited the line. I wanted to tap him on the shoulder and be like couldn't you have realized that at the beginning of the line so I didn't have you breathing down my neck and bumping into me throughout the entire line? I was at the front of the line when a father and two young girls were talking to the worker. The worker was explaining to them in English that they didn't have the proper paperwork. They didn't have a strong grasp of English so the communication was breaking down. I have seen what happens next several times and when I was younger man I would have gladly stepped in and offered my services as a translator. However, knowing that my Spanish has disintegrated into the mispronunciation of words to make them sound like funny Spanlish (Spanish English mix) words I did what every young man does when they ask for somebody to say the pray I began looking everywhere but at the human. So there he was looking and looking for somebody that could work as a translator. The next thing I hear is, "Speak Spanish?" I looked at him hoping he was looking at the elderly couple in front of me or the lady in a wheelchair behind me but alas he was staring right at me. I dejectedly hung my head and said, "Yes." I approached the bench as if the worker behind the desk was determining life or death sentences. My hands began to sweat my mouth tighten as he very quickly began to explain the situation. I almost said, "Is this a hidden camera show?" But I couldn't because I have forgotten most of those words. I struggled and struggled through telling him that the paper work he provided just wouldn't cut it for government work. What? Instead of a utility bill, bank statement or other form of mail with a date on it proving he lived at the address he brought a letter from Steven Henegar's College and an item addressed to current resident or His name. Those items are not found on the proper documentation list PS. So once I told him he would have to get better mail and apologizing for my bad Spanish he left and it was my turn. I bowed my knee in submission to the great overload of the DLD. The crowd watched in silence for the signal. She pointed to the seat and said, "Sit here while I take your picture." I was in. After my picture I sat and waited, wishing I had a book; instead I had to listen to people's conversations. This is what you have to do if you want to feel better about yourself. Please note if you don't feel better about yourself then you are the one that is supposed to be talking to the other people to help them feel better about their selves. In turn you will feel better because you are helping people feel better about whom they are. Understand? While you wait I recommend that you eavesdrop and you try and answer the trivia questions they have scrolling on the electronic board. I think I got one right. One of the questions I didn't get correct is asked below. After about a half hour it was my turn at the window. The nice lady quickly processed my paper scanning all of the required documents and sending them to Uncle Sam's house so he can track me better. I don't know why I thought she was joking when she told me I had to take a test prior to getting my new license because she hadn't even smiled at me the entire time I was asking random questions about the renewal process. But when she said, "You will have to take a 25 question test." I responded quickly in true cousin Eddie amazement, "You serious?" She then informed me that my license had been suspended, news to me but when it was open book I thought it is not that big of a deal. However I did just watch the movie, "License to Drive." You know the movie with Corey Ham and Corey Feldman. Anyway he fails his test and out of anger he slaps the computer causing the system to fail. I thought I could do something like that if I missed too many questions. After I completed the test it said I got 100%. When I went to the desk the girl gave me congratulations for passing and getting a 100%. I told her that I just found the answers in the book. She, very sarcastically and dryly looked at me and said, "You'd be surprised at how many people don't pass with the book right in front of them." That statement was the perfect end to a continuous thought I had while I was there, "These people are driving on the same streets I am driving on? How am I still living?"
Trivia Time: How many bones does a shark have in its body?
Quote of the Week: "Dad shaved his beard, and mom shaved her beard too." - Gigi
Have a good week I know I will
Eric Jones
This message was approved by Eric Jones
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