Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 7.1
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt
As we approach the end of the Utah Jazz season we must reflect upon the journey this band of misfits has taken us on. A team projected by computer models, experts and skeptic fans to finish somewhere between the Golden State Warriors and the Charlotte Bobcats have outperformed and over achieved by making it to the playoffs. So as a cynical Jazz fan I say, "Job well done, this year Jazz." I will say this, if you don't make the playoffs next year in 5th or better I will retract my statement about this season. You have been warned, Jazz. But I don't want to talk about how the veteran Spurs are dominating an immature Jazz squad. I would like to discuss the New Orleans Hornets. Every so often somebody will buy the New Orleans Hornets and want the old Jazz name back. First off I am okay with the Utah Jazz changing their name. I believe the Jazz name is cursed and has been since their inception in New Orleans in 1974. If the Utah Jazz want to win a championship they will need to rename the team. Here are several suggestions of name changes and why I think the Utah basketball team should change to that name. My first choice would be the Bears, this will not only validate the lame mascot but they could rip off the Da' Bears merchandise and SNL skits. The next name I think would be great for a Utah Basketball team is Deseret. Not only will it open up discussion about the Book of Mormon but it will be a great history review for our young err old people. With this name we could change the mascot to a Honey Bee. He/She could throw out honey or potentially stingers! I don't know really the possibilities are endless. The next possible name is the T-Rexs or is it T-Rexes? It doesn't matter because I think it should be T-Wrecks anyway. Mostly I am just trying to find a name that points out the rich Dinosaur history of Utah. It goes back several hundred million years. Okay next is the 47ers, this of course is in reference to the Pioneers that made it to the Salt Lake Valley in 1847. Also the name could morph into the 47 Pioneers or the P-47's. Then the Energy Solutions Arena could be called the Basketball Shack. As opposed to the B-57's Love Shack. I think a good name would be the Utah Wasatch. Then, this would require something magical like the internet to start spreading rumors about a mystical creature that roams the mountain range in search of food, love and awesome dunks. Some might argue that the monster is just Jeremy Evans lost in the forest others might say it is a tumor that grew on Jerry Sloan's back that he removed by himself and released into the wild. Others will simple shrug the rumors because there simply is no way a tumor can survive in this dry of a climate. The last name I would like point out is a little more obscure than the others but still relevant to Utah namely the Salt Lake Valley and beating up people or things that have wronged the Utah Jazz err the Utah Nemesis franchise. As we all are well versed in Greek Mythology I don't think I need to explain that Nemesis is the Greek God of helping avenge those that have been wronged. Now you might ask, "Why are we making references to Greek Mythology in this valley?" Well it is simple due to the fact that we have what I believe to be one of the greatest peaks in the Wasatch Mountains starring at us all day long. If you don't know which peak this is then you should google it or just go outside in the Salt Lake Valley and find the peak that is the most awesome. That is Mount Olympus. Also another option for the New Orleans is to find a name that is more relevant to their city for example they could be the Hurricanes or Katrina. Maybe that is too soon.
Trivia Time: What do you think a good team name for the Jazz would be?
Gigism of the Week: "Dad I am going to spell my name, G-I-W-7. Gigi!"
Have a good week I know I will
This message was approved by Eric Jones