Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 4.15
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt
-Mark Twain
This past week with my new job I was able to go to the Home and Garden show because we had a booth there teaching people about water conservation. I had never been to such a place before and as I sat there I thought why that was. I came up with two reasons. First, you have to pay money to walk around and be hounded by the people there that have a good product but I don't want it. For example the booth next to use was selling air purifiers. This is a fantastic product however, my only thought was why purify the air inside if the air outside is still like sucking from a tail pipe of an old car. It just doesn't make sense. Then I thought oh well you just have to find all the people that are Agoraphobic. I couldn't find any facts about how many people are this, so let's say 1 in 250 people are agoraphobic. Second and most importantly, I hate how people in these places get in my way. I think that people naturally want to impede the progression of others. Any time I felt like I was making headway there, somebody would stop right in front of me and I would have to wait until they got out of my way. This is the worst because they wasted at least 10 seconds of my life. How am I ever going to get those seconds back? I have devised a plan to get these seconds back. Has anyone thought about Time Travel lately? I think that it is becoming more and more possible. Think about it I could travel through time and regain all of those precious seconds. How much better would I be if I could get those seconds back? How much better would I be at Nintendo? These are the questions that keep up at night. I think any time I invent something I am going to say this, "I was trying to invent time travel but instead invented a cure for polio." It's not going to be polio every time. You get the idea. I am going to invent stuff and just to make sure people know that I am serious about time travel I am going to say that every time. It is going to be awesome. For instance, earlier I was trying to invent time travel but instead we are going to have a baby. See how it works?
Trivia Time: I have been advised from a lady Louisiana that Voodoo is no laughing matter and that it should only be used to gain power over somebody else. This week's question is if we had to do you think you could survive in a Road Warrior type lifestyle?
Beat the Odds Tip: If it seems like hope is gone look inside you and be strong, and you will finally see that the hero lies in you.
I had something really good to talk about down here but after I read the Beat the Odds Tip I got distracted thinking about how true that is. You know that inside of everybody is the power to do amazing things. That is why when we tell people that Jenny is going to have a natural birth we have to remind people that women had been giving birth, and still do, without the aid of a medical practitioner for centuries. I know that Jenny is ready and well prepared to have our child naturally and as the Birth companion it is my duty to ensure that she stays relaxed and as comfortable as possible. Her body is perfectly designed to have children. If she were Amish she probably would have had at least 6 kids by now all of them 10 months apart. She would also walk up early to milk the cows and build stuff out of wood or something like that. All the while feeding and cleaning up after the kids. I would be working in the farm. By work I mean hiding and napping and telling jokes when awoken by the farm master. Do they have farm masters? I like to think so. Oh the Amish what a sweet life. Forget Zach and Cody. It should be a show about the Amish.
Have a good week I know I will now keep your fingers crossed.
Eric Jones
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