Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.15
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt
With the sun coming in full force now, Jenny looked at me and said, “Hey why don’t you start putting on sunscreen when you go outside?” Because of the circumstances I thought the topic of discussion was rather odd but I inquired as to why she wanted me to start putting on sunscreen. We all know how well I apply sunscreen. She said, “Apart from the reduced risk of skin cancer your skin won’t end up looking leathery when you get old.” So I just wanted to warn all of you that if you don’t wear sunscreen you are probably going to get skin cancer. It says on WebMD that a 40-year old woman that has protected her skin will actually have skin of a 30-year old woman. So being a 28-year old man I probably have the skin of a 35-year old woman, since I haven’t been protecting my skin very well. In fact when I was in Ecuador I don’t ever remember putting on sunscreen once. I guess I figured I was protected by all of the soot and dirt in the air. Anywho I thought that researching this would produce more comical results but it didn’t. Instead I was reminded of the last time I donated blood. I was at home on a Tuesday for car repair crap and I got a phone call from the blood people asking if I could come in and donate blood for a fetus that will have surgery upon being delivered the following Friday. I reluctantly said I would, can anybody say no to a fetus? I know I can’t. So away I went to the blood bank to make a deposit. PS the return on a deposit into the blood bank is really low, unless you need a blood transfusion. When I got there I was asked to fill out some paper work. One of the questions (this is why the above story reminded me of donating blood) on the form asks, “Who is your doctor?” I haven’t been to the doctor for a sickness since I was 18 so I simply wrote WebMD.com. They didn’t complain so I will probably just use that from now on. While they were sucking my blood, I asked them why I was called to save the life of a fetus (I take 90% of the credit even though I have no idea who the baby is or what was wrong with the baby or if the baby even survived). They told me that I was CMV negative, I didn’t know that meant and that I had the right antigens in my blood. I had no idea what that meant either. So I quickly asked them, to sound educated, “What is my Midi-chlorian count?” They told me that such a thing doesn’t exist in this galaxy. I told them that I am pretty sure my Midi-chlorian count is relatively high. Not as high as Anakin Skywalker’s but still had my parents tried to get me into Jedi training at a young age I probably would have been accepted. Then Mace Windu and I could have been friends. PS with Father’s day a couple weeks away I just wanted to let those that are going to buy me Father’s day gift that Star Wars will be out on Blu-ray on September 16 and if you pre-order it you will save $50. Also if you get me that for Father’s day I will keep doing yard work otherwise I will probably just get depressed and grow a beard until I look like Qui-Gon Jinn. Also I realize how childish this is but think about how BBJ and I can bond in the future while watching all 6 episodes of Star Wars in one sitting.
Trivia Time: I tried to do yard work in my Speedo but there are laws against that when you live across the street from a school. If the Heat win the NBA championship what are you going to do? I will probably try and get a Utah Jazz chant going with whoever is in the room with me. I am sure Gigi will participate.
Have a good week I know I will