Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.18
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt
-Mark Twain
I was thinking about sharing some funny stories about Gigi, well maybe I still will but I was definitely not planning on telling the following story to you all since Jenny was embarrassed when it happened and she will probably be embarrassed again. Really though the people that read this story (my mom and Jenny) just know that I am already a crotchety old man that doesn't like people, so what's the big deal? Every good story has a setting (meaning in order for something to happen it has to happen somewhere), mine is set in a movie theater. Jenny and I had a last minute idea to go and see a movie on a Tuesday night, FYI we saw Super 8 and it was super great except for what I am about to tell you. The movie was starting and we were next to 3 teenager girls. I could pretty much just write end of story right here and everybody would understand. I think the last time a teenage girl sat quite for 2 hours was, I got nothing even a lie is too unbelievable for that statement (I know that this is a gross stereotype there are lots of nice quite teenage girls). So anyway Super 8 is an action packed loud movie but without fail I could hear these 3 girls giggling and talking. Finally at one point in the movie probably some 40 minutes into it (which proves I am getting more tolerant of rude people) I leaned forward and said, "Shhhhhhhhhhh!" I wish I could tell you that the little girls said, "Sorry." But they didn't, they just kept talking about Brad from Stone Cold and how cute his butt looked in those new jeans. So the movie ended and I took that opportunity to extend my gratitude to these delightful children by saying in a calm voice, "I just wanted to thank you for talking during the entire movie." One of the girls said, "Had you asked us nicely we would have stopped talking." What she didn't realize is that Shhhhhhhhhhh was beyond nice coming from me. I retorted and told the girls, "It is common courtesy not to talk during movies." She then quickly stung with, "Well you can just go see it again." It was at this point Jenny could tell things could elevate to the next level so she grabbed my arm and gave it a squeeze. I took a deep breath and away we went. After the movie I told Jenny that I want to own a movie theater and kick people like that out. She told me such a business model does not work. I disagreed with her and now I have a working example of how that business model will work. I read in the paper that a theater in Austin Texas will escort talkers/texters/annoying patrons out of the theater. One such experience resulted in a voice message to the theater that has received over 2 million hits. You can listen to it on YouTube but I will warn you there is poor language (swears and enunciation). Wouldn't it be nice to go to a movie and know that you don't have to listen to anybody talk that isn't getting paid to do so? Shoot I know that if there was a theater in Salt Lake that guaranteed no talking, texting, or other annoyances I would go to that theater. Why do we have to live in a society dominated by the rude and obnoxious? (Please note I am catching a whiff of irony here with my weekly letter but I am courteous to those that ask to be removed from the mailer) NOTE: I omitted the other annoying people in the theater the 20 some odd year olds that kept asking questions about the movie, during the movie and the hunk they were with kept texting. Hunks, who needs 'em?
For all those that are still reading you can read the 10 commandments for movie audiences. Below they are listed but you can visit the Rotten Tomatoes website to get more details, but I figure you get the gist of it.
1. Set thy phone ringer on silent mode.
2. Thou shalt not text.
3. Thou shalt not speak.
4. Thou shalt not aim laser pointers at the movie screen.
5. Thou shalt not kick or put thy feet on the seats in front of thee.
6. Useth the restroom before the movie starts.
7. Keepeth thy food quiet.
8. Thou shalt not bring thy children to R-rated movies.
9. The movie theater is not thy make-out spot.
10. Thou shalt not shoot video whilst in the theater.
2. Thou shalt not text.
3. Thou shalt not speak.
4. Thou shalt not aim laser pointers at the movie screen.
5. Thou shalt not kick or put thy feet on the seats in front of thee.
6. Useth the restroom before the movie starts.
7. Keepeth thy food quiet.
8. Thou shalt not bring thy children to R-rated movies.
9. The movie theater is not thy make-out spot.
10. Thou shalt not shoot video whilst in the theater.
Which of these is the greatest of all the commandments? Respect thy actors and respect thy fellow patrons.
Trivia Time: I was a potato. What am I this week? I have no arms or legs but still eat with a fork.
Now for a little bit of light reading. While sitting on the bench eating popsicles Gigi was looking at the pattern on the back of the bench and she said, "Dad this a triangle." She was pointing a triangle, she then said, "Dad this a square." I was very impressed and told her, "Good job Gigi that is a triangle and a square." I then asked, "Do you see any other shapes on the bench?" She scanned the bench. Pointing to the screw holes I asked her, "Look Gigi, are these circles?" She quickly responded, "Those are circles, good job Dad." It is always a good day when you can make your child proud by knowing your shapes. I can't wait to show her how I can ride a bike all by myself, think of the praise I will get then!
Have a good week I know I will
Eric Jones
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This message was approved by Eric Jones
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