Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.19
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt
-Mark Twain
Travel Log Star Date 6/30/2011 to 7/5/2011:
Jenny and I recently embarked on an adventure that took us to gardens, vistas, beaches, cheese factories, chocolate shops, new restaurants, strange places and, yes, even the movies. Did you know that they have movie theaters in other places than Utah? We left SLC on June 30, 2011 via an airplane that landed in sunny Portland. I know you don't associate sun with Portland but it was sunny and 70 the 3 days we were there. Just an FYI Portland's motto is "The City that Works" I don't know what that means. Does it mean the city has water and sewers and stuff or does it mean the people have jobs? We are talking about Portland, Oregon by the way. We landed in Portland in sunny weather rented a car and drove toward the little city on the shores of the Willamette River. Our first stop was dinner, we ate at a little famous restaurant called Montage. It was fantastic, Ashly our gracious host took us there and it was so worth it. Good food for not that much money and if you don't finish for your food they package it in tin foil that looks like something. Jenny got her leftovers in the shape of a cat and Ashly had hers wrapped up like a snail. I didn't have leftovers because the gumbo I ordered was too good to stop eating it. The next day it was off to the beach, Cannon Beach. I like Cannon Beach because I pretend like I just solved a centuries old case of buried treasure like on Goonies. Unfortunately we didn't have enough time to go to Astoria but I would have loved to been in the town where the Goonies rose up against the man to declare their freedom from tyranny and oppression. Maybe I am putting too much into that movie, I don't know. But we did stop at the Tillamook Cheese Factory. If you ever go that way I would put this on your must stop list. I could watch people make cheese all day long. Also you can buy fresh ice cream and it so delicious. The worst part of that day was when we went to go return the car. I had recently drunk about 40 ounces of water and thought it is okay the airport is only 10 minutes away. Boy was I wrong we got stuck in traffic and it took nearly 40 minutes to get to that miserable hell hole. I had to use the restroom so bad I thought about getting out of the car peeing and then running to get back into the car. It could have worked. The next day we went to the Rose Garden I like roses, I do not like to care for roses but they smell nice and they look pretty but boy howdy they are prickly. I also put this on the must see in Portland, thousands of roses that come in any color imaginable. Image a color right now and boom there is a rose there that color. Later that night we went to the movies because Jenny was sickish and wanted to sit and do nothing. I would like to add here that the people of Portland were well behaved in the theater but then again I don't think the majority of the audience in the theater knew what a cellular phone is. The next day we were off to Seattle via train! Trains are fun but if you are traveling in a group smaller than 4 don't sit at a table because then you have to sit by strangers and listen to their mind numbing banter.
Trivia Time: I was a snake. What can be swallowed but also swallow you?
Jenny and I decided that in Seattle we could just use the public transportation system and call it good. It was challenging the entire time we were there because I didn't know which way was north, south or up. Also I didn't know that the buses went in a tunnel. So we waited for a bus to come to a stop but it never did. To quote Kevin Bacon from Tremors, "They are under the ground, repeat they are under the ground." So we made it to our hotel just fine and wanted to go to a famous hot dog place but it was closed and had moved to a secret location for the 4th of July. I guess we weren't cool enough to make it to the party. Seattle was pretty typical stuff because Jenny had never been there, the Space Needle, the Underground Tour, Pike Place, Gas Works for the fireworks over Lake Union, and Trolls under bridges. I am still yet to see the Stalin statue, one day I will see it. So I am not going to talk about those things rather I would like to talk about our hotel and the people we saw on the bus. Oh also a side note if you go to the University of Washington you need to go check out the world famous herb garden, it was pretty cool and smelt really good. Also nobody was there so it was quiet. Ok so our hotel was the College Inn, a European style hotel that used to be an old dorm for the university. So it has a shared bathroom and no TVs. I thought that the shared bathrooms would be awkward but for the three days that we were there I only had one awkward run in while attempting to shower. But often times we would walk through the halls and see other people staying there and think, "Boy we don't really want to catch them in the bathroom showering." All in all the money we saved and relaxation we gained from not having a TV was well worth it. So let's get to the meat and potatoes. The first day we rode the bus there was this guy and he was talking to some other guy about a comet that can predict terrible events. Jenny and I thought they were friends but it turns out they weren't. The conversation peeked with the skeptic telling the instructor that he didn't believe him. The skeptic said, "I tell you what, let's make a bet if what you say is true then you win and the world ends but if you are wrong you have to sign your property over to me." The instructor didn't agree to that and got off the bus at the next stop. The all-star of the bus was a young lady that had on a yellow t-shirt with the word "Sporks" hand written in black magic marker, rainbow suspenders, cut off shorts and a fancy hat. In her hands there was a bag of bags, this is not a fantastic bag rather it is bag full of bags. The icing on the cake was a Pee-Wee Herman doll that she whispered to and kissed it on the hands and head.
Have a good week I know I will
Eric Jones
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This message was approved by Eric Jones
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