Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.21
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt
Editors Note: For those of you printing these out every week (Mom) the last letter is really 6.20 not 6.19.
Please be advised that this paragraph does involve some discussion of armpits and armpit products, this warning is for Stephanie and others who do not like the word armpit or moist armpit.
I am always grateful when Jenny gets great deals at the store so I can afford my addiction to candy but every once in awhile she brings stuff home that makes me second guess good deals. Like when she brings home a 50 pound bag of tortilla chips without buying at least 25 pounds of jalapenos. Or the random box after box of instant potatoes. Okay so maybe she has never purchased stuff like that but one item she did purchase gets to me every morning. Since I have been applying deodorant/anti-perspirant I have been using the solid gel kind. It goes on smooth and leaves you fresh. I am not sure but I think there have been studies that show athletes that use this type of deodorant actually run faster. Jenny knows this and for 4 years she has been spot on with what she has brought home and I commend her for it. But a few months ago she came home with the oozing click wheel kind. You know the kind that you click the wheel and the deodorant squishes through the perforated plastic then it gets all clumpy in your armpit hair. I mean some people probably like the feeling of that. It makes them feel alive but it makes me feel weighted down. So I put it in my medicine cabinet thinking okay it is like 4th in the line so it will be awhile until I have to use it. Wouldn't you know that time has come and I have been fighting through it now for about 3 weeks. I secretly think Jenny is replacing my used one with a brand new so it last longer. Oh the horror that is creamy deodorant. It reminds of the time I switched from the gel form to spray form in middle school because that is what Josh Stansfield used, what a hunk, I mean what a popular guy. So naturally I wanted to fit in but you can't change what your armpits like for anybody regardless of hunkish they are. Hunkish a word, take that Webster, I like Webster as a name put that on the list of possible BBJ names. Let's see where was I? Oh yeah creamy deodorant with the click wheel is on my list of products I don't like to use. Trying to keep things in balance I have to add something to my list of things I like. This morning in a meeting they were discussing the new Living Planer Aquarium that is going to be built in Sandy. The person discussing the new displays mentioned that they are going to have a cool model sewage treatment plant. I then asked, "Will there be any scratch and sniff displays there?" He said, "No." What a shame I thought quietly to myself because I really love scratch and sniff stuff. Now the only scratching and sniff I get to do, come on people get your heads out of there, is in my garden. I love to scratch tomato leaves and smell them. So does anybody know where I can get scratch and sniff swag? Scratch and sniff stickers are on my list of stuff I like.
Trivia Time: What is better, 7 pounds of licorice rope or 7 pounds of Lucky Charms? I need reasons people.
So this morning after I got done applying my fantastic deodorant I thought Jenny looks really comfortable. This is not good on Mondays because she needs to get up and at them. So I decided to snuggle up with her. As you know by now Jenny is pregnant with a little boy (BBJ for now until we come up with a name hence Webster being added to the list, Finley is currently #1 on the list FYI) and as I snuggled up to her I heard in a deeper voice than normal, "Don't lay on me." Instantly what do I think? I think somehow BBJ is controlling Jenny's vocal cords. You know like in Independence Day (the Will Smith classic movie) the alien controls the scientist's vocal cords trying to escape. I am yet to get BBJ to talk again but soon enough I will prove to the world that babies in vitro can control the vocal cords of the host. Because come on, Jenny would never tell me to not lay on her. That is just crazy. And how else do you explain the deep voice?
Also check out the blog for what I consider to be the cutest video on the internet.
Have a good week I know I will
This message was approved by Eric Jones