Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.51
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt
-Mark Twain
Jenny and I have lived in our home almost 5 years and in those years we have experienced many great run-ins with the other side of the law. I know what you are thinking, "Eric you hate chemistry why would you try and make your own drugs to sell to the elementary kids?" Well I guess I should be flattered that you would think I am capable of fabricating my own drugs let alone have the audacity to peddle them to minors. When I referred to the run-ins with the wrong side of the law I was referring to other people being the perpetrators and we were just the innocent bystanders. For example a police dog followed either the scent of a perp into our yard or the scent of Roscoe and Frankie. That was a fun evening hearing the crawl space door open and shut loudly late at night. I had to call the cops to calm my nerves. That is when I found out I could put down my defense mechanism, sarcasm, because not only would I not need it to disarm a would be criminal I wouldn't even be able to smart to off to local authorities about their lack luster performance. The cop and dog had already vacated the premises prior to my courage kicking in enough to run out of my house fists blazing. Then there was the champagne Altima with 3 teenage boys in it that was parked at the school around 9 AM one Sunday morning. This is not uncommon but as I walked to church the car left when it saw my amazing stature. When I returned from church the car had returned promptly leaving again upon first sight of this incredible human male. As I sat to enjoy Sunday afternoon nachos, a Jones family classic, the Altima returned. I thought this sure seems suspicious. So I called the cops not because one of the guys looked like 2Pac but because it seemed like they were having more fun than they should at school on a Sunday. Turns out the driver was not a nice person because he was arrested and the others were asked to vacate the premises. But these two run-ins pale in comparison to what happened on Friday night. As I slept quietly around 2:30 AM in bed I heard the computer chair being moved across the tile floor. At first I thought nothing of it then I thought, "Oh we might have a poltergeist!" I was super fired up to have my first encounter with the afterlife. Well other than playing Bloody Mary in the Bruse's bathroom as a kid. As I sat in bed thinking what am I to do I quickly popped into action. By this I mean I was anxiously hoping that the noises would stop. They didn't, again I heard the computer chair being moved across the tile floor. I thought it must be Marv from Home Alone. I grabbed for my bo staff. Okay it is not a real bo staff but when necessary old closet rods can double as defense mechanisms. I knew that sarcasm would not work at this point in the night because nobody is clever enough to disarm a would be burglar right after they walk-up. As I reached for the bo staff I hesitated because the chair noises had turned into pitter patter. I thought this burglar is going to be easy to take down, they have small feet. I hope they aren't rabid. The next thing I heard was Gigi opening the door saying, "Daddy I am all wet." I thought great she wet the bed again. Come to find out she had taken the computer chair across the kitchen retrieved a cup from the drying rack and filled said cup up with water along with her PJ's, the floor and the refrigerator tray. At least this is what the detective found out when they arrived to investigate the distress call from inside my head. They really cracked the case wide open that night I tell you what. I however spent the next 15 minutes changing Gigi PJ's, and wiping up all of the water that didn't make it into her cup. She just needed a drink of water to help her sleep. Good thing I didn't use the bo staff. Think of all the drywall I would have had to repair. Oh yeah and Gigi probably wouldn't have taken getting hit by her dad too lightly.
Trivia Time: Which side of the equation is larger? 10 + X = 10X.
Quote of the Week (A Gigism): "Why is my nose doing this?" – Gigi (In reference to her runny nose)
Have a good week I know I will
Eric Jones
This message was approved by Eric Jones
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