Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 3.34

Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 3.34

It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt

-Mark Twain

            Some of you still read and others just skip; at the bottom of the newsletter it reads, "Have a good week I know I will."  It is has always been safe to say that because I believe that life is always a positive experience it is just that when I am negative I am really negative.  I guess that can be annoying, anyway I am rambling like I am Danny Tanner or something like that.  He is pretty cool if you ask me.  What were we talking about?  Oh yeah good weeks this last week was a good week sort of.  Wednesday was not a good day therefore since the whole week wasn't good the statement at the bottom of the letter is not 100% accurate and if there is one thing I haven't done, in my 4 plus years of writing this filth, is lie to you the reader.  So here is what happened to me on Wednesday. But first…

Trivia Time:   Last week's winner was Curtis he said that a man should cry only when his wife tells him to.  I would also like to add a grown man can cry when reading where the Red Fern Grows, that book is sad I don't care who you are.  This week's question is if an 8" by 10" photo is surrounded by a 2" wide picture frame, what is the area of the picture frame?


Beat the Odds Tip:  Abraham Lincoln said, "People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be." 


So last Wednesday, I thought since Jenny didn't ride the bike to work that riding the bike would be time well spent.  You know work on gluts and mumble mumble muscles.  Ok I don't really know what muscles are called but I know I have them and I know how to use to them, so watch out or I will use them on you.  Ok so I set off down the drive way and I started to petal when boom the back tire came ripping off.  I hit my mid section on the handle bars and gripped, "Arrgh my groin!"  Realizing what had happened I fastened the tire more securely to the bike.  After washing my hands I set back out on the bike.  Nobody every told me that riding a bike was so much work.  I thought that the bike did most of the work for you.  Turns out it doesn't.  So I made it to trax, that sucks, taking your bike on trax that is.  Arriving to the University I dismounted and began the slight climb to the north side of the campus.  I approached the final hill and thought, "Hey, let's see how fast I can climb this little hill."  Turns out after two petals the chain didn't want to do that.  Slipping from the teeth the bike came to a stand still but my body did not.  I flew forward over the handle bars and on to the ground.  To which I responded with some more grunts, moans, aches and pains.  Taking it slow I parked the bike in a safe place.  When it came time to go home, I knew it wasn't going to be fun.  I coasted the whole way across campus to the trax stop.  I was on a roll no problems yet.  Arriving at the Fashion Place west stop I began the short trek to my house.  Petaling moderately, so as to not over work the poor bike, I began hearing an interesting sound coming from the back tire.   Sort of a squeaking noise.  I couldn't see anything then BOOM, the tire blew out like a baby who just had too many carrots for dinner.  I had to walk the rest of the way home.  Needless to say I walked to trax the rest of the week and properly won't get on a bike again unless somebody pays for my admission into the Tour de France. 

Have a good week I know I will.*  

Eric Jones

The Blog www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com




1 comment:

cdsdds said...

Top ten "raving" of all time. I was cracking up. Sorry to laugh at your pain.

It reminded me of a missionary companion who petaled so hard he broke the petal off, was mad and threw it into a river, then petaled home with only one leg. I laughed so hard I almost crashed.