Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 3.38
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt
As we returned to civilization we often ponder what more could have we done in the great outdoors that would have made us not come home? The answer is anything. The living is easy in the great outdoors and I think I could stay out there for weeks on end. The thing I like most about the outdoors is that cleanliness is thrown out the window. I don't remember the last time I looked at my own feet and thought, "Gee they sure have hit a new high of dirt to skin ratio." It certainly is amazing that after a year and half of marriage I can still find ways to make Jenny say, "Is this person I married a human or some sort of filthy alien from Saturn sent here to destroy earth's air quality one stinky fart at a time?" I am here to tell you that I am not an alien rather a man that enjoys eating foods that make want my insides to come to the outsides at a rate that makes the world hold their nose and want to pass out. Stormy weather is another great thing about being outdoors. We were all lined up to play some baseball when a large storm hit. Jenny and I, with the dogs, ran to the tent, to see how the new tent held up under some real rainy weather. It was just fine, we were able to have some alone time that was used very well. Jenny read her new book, 'Braking Dawn' and I reflected on where I was going to place our cargo tomorrow for the ride home. My thoughts were dead on; the trunk looked as if two professionals came and packed the car. Let this be a warning to you that the seven P's of business can apply to more than just business. If you don't know what the seven P's are, they are, "Prior proper planning prevents piss poor progress." So there you have it camping in nut shell.
Trivia Time: Last week's winner was Tim he attempted it and did a good job. This week's question is how many metals have the United States won during these Olympics? If you are not watching the Olympics you missed an exciting race last night in the 4 x 100 meter freestyle relay. Jenny and I were cheering loud enough for everyone don't you worry.
Beat the odds tip: Last week's beat the odds tip was used to the full extent. This week's tip is one for water conservation. "If it is yellow let it mellow, if it is brown flush it down."
Now I would like to share a story that may or may not have happened to me. I was working, arranging some make up displays at a local grocery when my belly was a little itchy. I knew this sensation to be the need to make a movement. This wasn't one of those movements that would lead people down some crooked path rather, it was a bowel movement. Being focused I stayed at my post arranging this seasons latest and greatest make ups. When I bent over to get the bottom shelf I felt, well you know those funny rhymes that you can make up like. When you are climbing up a ladder and you feel something splatter diarrhea, diarrhea. That's what it was I hurried to the bathroom and there it was staring back up at me like an evil twin just waiting for its moment to attack. So I decided that I needed to act quickly. I had some scissors so I made some appropriate modifications to my under garment, namely I cut the crotch and butt area out, in order to still have something between me and my Calvin's.
Have a good week I know I will.
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