Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 5.44
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt
-Mark Twain
So here we are again another year and another December under way. In a few short weeks Christmas will be upon us and so to make everybody's shopping that much easier I will be generating my annual Christmas list. I hope this that I receive everything I ask for. I know in years past I have asked for presents that were just undeliverable for example I once wanted Jerry Sloan's acknowledgment of my existence. I am pretty sure that Jerry doesn't even know all the names of the current Jazz roster. I think he still just calls most people John and Karl for simplicity's sake. Another gift I have never received but always longed for is a ticket for the Orient Express. So this year I am only going to ask for presents that can be reasonably obtained by the big man himself and delivered to me on Christmas. The list will follow the story. A lady at my place of employment had the following story to tell about a conversation she had with her 8 year old daughter. Daughter, "Mom, some kids at school are saying that Santa is not real and that parents are really Santa Clause." Mom, "That is silly, how could parents do all of that in one night? Only Santa could do something so magical." Daughter, "That is what I thought. I am thinking about asking Santa for a Nintendo DS this year." Mom, "Don't you want to wait for your birthday to ask for that?" Daughter, "They are kind of expensive so we better have Santa bring it." Kids, what a bunch of cut ups. I think a fun social experiment would be to have a bunch of 6 – 10 year old kids in a room and listen to them talk about whatever. Then we take what they say and use it as the premise of a sitcom or some sort of Off-Broadway show. It would be gritty and bold. I am surprised some art student hasn't done this for their final project or possibly a dissertation.
My Christmas 2010 List
First and foremost I want all of my presents to be wrapped in newspaper. This does not mean I want fish for Christmas I just don't want you to buy wrapping paper. Besides I don't think you can wrap some of the gifts I am about to ask for.
- Flying Car or today's equivalent (You can decide what that is)
- Temporary Tattoos or one of those shirts with tattoo sleeves
- Mickey Mouse (not a figurine, I want a person inside a Mickey Mouse costume to follow me around for about a week and just talk about the cool adventure we used to have)
- A year's supply of Reese's peanut butter cups, but I don't them to melt nor do I want to have to unwrap them. Meaning if you gave me this then you would have to come to me with the peanut butter cup in hand unwrapped. This is not the easiest gift on the list FYI.
- I want a time machine so the Jazz can go back and un-draft Elder Hayward. This gift would only be used once. Ok twice I would probably go into the future so I could see who wins the next 50 World Series. Who knows maybe the Cubs will win the World Series in 2015.
- I would like a sensory deprivation chamber so I can practice transferring my mass to an alternate universe (If you don't know what this is watch Fringe on Fox Thursday nights at 8 PM)
I think those items will suffice this year. Good luck getting those gifts and always remember that any of these gifts can be substituted with a live tiger.
Trivia Time: It looks like nobody else thinks Jingle All the Way is the best Christmas movie of all time. What is the best Christmas album of all time?
Lasers, lasers, lasers everywhere if you dare to shoot lasers then you dare to live free of tyranny. I was going to try and make this into a song or possibly a haiku but is just easier to stop right there. So this Saturday December the 11th Russell James and myself will be holding the second annual Laser Tag Christmas Event. We are currently at 22 confirmed guests with a few maybes and a few open slots. If you are interested in shooting lasers at people and you have a need to wear a Christmas sweater then come on down to the Laser Quest Arena on Saturday December 11th to shoot your heart out. I will be there with bells on. Here is the list of guests. I put Andi and Jdub on there to intice them to come down and play. I mean it not that far and mom said she would make you guys breakfast and you can go listen to Elder Holland too. It is a win, win, win, win for you guys. That is an awesome situation. Also this year there are major awards that can be won the awards are listed next to the names.
Lasers to the Ready | Awards | |||
1 | Russell Loncyzna | For Sure | MVP (Overall) | |
2 | Eric Jones | Maybe | Eaisest Kill Overall | |
3 | Jennifer Jones | Best Name | ||
4 | Jason Huynh | Funniest Name | ||
5 | Corey Bruse | Scariest Name | ||
6 | Danny Sorensen | What the What Name | ||
7 | Emi Sorensen | Worst Shot (overall) | ||
8 | Chris Wright | Best in Game 1 | ||
9 | Kim Wright | Best in Game 2 | ||
10 | Brett Seibenberg | Best in Game 3 | ||
11 | Tim Jones | Worst in Game 1 | ||
12 | Payton Jones | Worst in Game 2 | ||
13 | Mike Sorensen | Worst in Game 3 | ||
14 | Ally Sorensen | Best Christmas Sweater | ||
15 | Lyndsey Sawyer | Best Christmas Shirt | ||
16 | Sage Sawyer | Best Christmas Overall Attire | ||
17 | Greg Winder | Most Profanity | ||
18 | Tiffany Winder | Sportsmanship Award | ||
19 | Meg Whiting | Best Shot (Overall) | ||
20 | Chad Whiting | Best Shot Game 1 | ||
21 | Drew Dayton | Best Shot Game 2 | ||
22 | Emily Dayton | Best Shot Game 3 | ||
23 | Andrea Wright | Easiest Kill Game 1 | ||
24 | Jdub Wright | Easiest Kill Game 2 | ||
25 | Evan Johnson | Easiest Kill Game 3 | ||
26 | Erin Johnson | Most Shots Game 1 | ||
27 | Most Shots Game 2 | |||
28 | Most Shots Game 3 | |||
29 | Best Camouflage | |||
30 |
Have a good week I know I will
Eric Jones
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