Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 5.49
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt
-Mark Twain
Living where we do Jenny and I are privileged to see many things. For those of you that don't know, we live east of an elementary school and our front window looks at the playground. If you remember when we were purchasing the house we decided that this was a great place to live because during the house inspection we heard the boys at the playground chanting, "Boys rule, girls drool." Or something to that effect. So that is one of many things we have seen at the school. I think that all of these experiences should be summarized in children's style book but do to the nature of some of the on goings we can't really call it a children's book. Maybe I will start working on it, I have time, well I will have time as soon as I beat Donkey Kong Country Returns. No homework is so awesome. Let's see we have seen suspicious vehicles that we reported to the cops and saw a young man get arrested. We don't really know why the one kid got arrested but I think it was because he had some delinquent fines at the Murray City Library. I once saw what I called the "ultimate douche mobile," a gold trim Mazda Protégé with a large Yankee's sticker on the back window and two Lakers flags flying from the windows. Also I knew who driving the car, I couldn't really tell if it was the real Kobe Bryant or not but there was a heavy set fella wearing a Bryant jersey in the park. Let's see what else oh in the summer time young lovers or pot heads love to sneak into the grass area between the two wings of the school and enjoy whatever. I don't really know what they do, I have to let my imagination do the looking, but teenagers love to hang out there in the summer time. The other aspect of the park is the dogs, Roscoe loves when the dogs come around because he is 95% sure he could beat up every dog that comes to that park. He is a real tough guy that Roscoe. I am pretty sure Frankie has no idea what is going on he just gets depressed about everything, namely the Jazz. Oh I brought the dogs up for a good reason I tell you. This past weekend was a true testament of what I am about to say. I have decided that dog owners, well, probably pet owners like to imagine that their pets communicate like a person that understands what is being said to them but can't respond in the same language. Learning a foreign language helps you understand this principle because the ability to understand comes long before the ability to communicate. So a large retriever was playing at the park with two humanoids, off leash (the dog was off leash well also the humanoids were off leash so just to clarify there were no leashes on any of the participants of this story), dog owners love to have their dogs off leash to prove how well they have trained their dogs. So what I like to do is test how well they have their dogs trained. So while they are playing at the park our dogs will start to freak out, so I let them out to stretch their legs and protect their territory. What this does is it excites the dog in the park and usually the dog will make a bee line for our house. I giggle and giggle, looks like you don't have you dog trained very well do you. (Please note that there is no way in hell I would let my dogs off leash anywhere because they are the worst trained dogs in the world, well, second worst.) The point of the story is the things people say to their dogs to get them to come back to the park is pretty good. For instance this lady came over and was saying sorry to me because our dogs got excited and barky to which I shrugged and said, "It is okay." Really I wanted to say to the lady that our dogs are dogs and they are fenced in so let them bark and run that way they get tired. Anywho the dog ran into our garage and instead of just saying simple commands like, "Come," or "Come here," or some equivalent to that. The lady yells, "Oh get out of that garage please." I loved it she is not the only one to say crazy things to their dogs. When I told Jenny this story she said, "Maybe the dog does know what a garage is." I took that as dogs do know what garages are and they also understand everything that you say to them. With that in mind every time Roscoe does something mean to Frankie, which does all of the time, because Roscoe is the big brother of the pair and Frankie is just an easy going dog that gets depressed after a Jazz loss and the holidays and around his birthday and on Mondays oh also he has been really depressed since Lost went off the air, he has just never been the same. Oh he also gets depressed at bedtime because he can't jump onto the bed like Roscoe, I digress. I tell Roscoe, "Grow up Roscoe, Frankie does not enjoy it when you bark right into his auditory receiver. Now when you are done doing your business I would like you to apologize to Frankie and say 7 nice things about him. And they can't be the same 7 things you said last time." So in a nutshell living across the street from a park is pretty awesome. Especially when you watch three grown men playing a game of horse that probably went on for about 3 hours, if they finished, because by my count they were a combined 0 of 27 before I got bored.
Trivia Time: Why do the Jazz make you so angry?
Have a good week I know I will
Eric Jones
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This message was approved by Eric Jones
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