Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.03
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt
-Mark Twain
It seems right now that everybody is making money off of the crazies we call celebrities aka cele"braties" so I figure why shouldn't I make some money off of the crazies as well. I just want to first say that it is not funny to make funny of crazy people unless they are so crazy it makes you giggle every time they say something. Because in my opinion there are a few types of crazies. There are the yeah buddy did you forget that what is going on in your head isn't really happening crazy (delusional) most high school students fit into this category but due to over population of the loony bins they are forced into the public education system. Let's see another type of crazy is the type that wants to burn, stab or destroy everything (maniac) again a good portion of high school students fit into this category. Then there is the fun crazy people that it doesn't matter what they say or how they say it, it always seems to come out funny (Charlie Sheen crazy). I wish more high school kids fit into this category but alas like my grandma may or may not have always said, "You can crap in one hand and wish in the other and you'll see which one fills up faster." So Charlie Sheen did an interview recently and he stated several items about himself that made me giggle and I thought I would hit the highlights so you all don't have to waste your time with it. You just have to waste your time with this instead. The first highlight is a statement made by Charlie saying he should get $3 million rather than his usual $2 million per episode because of his physiological distress. I would love it if this happened in real life. I think it would be hilarious to see anybody at a typical American office just start acting crazy doing funny things and then demand a raise because of their physiological distress. The funny thing is I could actually see a couple of people in my office try and pull a stunt like that. What would the Governor do? (Because Governor would get involved with something like that for some reason I don't know what) I am pretty sure the Governor would give into that person's demands because what choice does he have? It is not like everybody is replaceable. Secretly I hope CBS gives into his demand of more money due to physiological distress because that opens the door to some of the ideas I have to get a raise (none of the ideas involve hard work and some of them involve fake rapid animals). Charlie Sheen said, "Everybody thinks I should be begging for my job back. And I'm just going to forewarn them that it's everyone else who's going to be begging me for their job back. Come Wednesday morning, they're going to rename it Charlie Bros., not Warner Bros." I don't have any follow up statements for that because it is already in its purest form and there is nothing to be added to or taken away from it. When asked about how he overcame his drug problems he said this, "I closed my eyes and made it so with the power of my mind," when asked how he cured himself of his addictions he said, "I had to unload 22 years of fiction and just decided I don't believe that anymore." He described "fiction" as, "The fiction of AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). It's a silly book written by a broken-down fool who is a plagiarist." I like this it gives hope to the hopeless. The final highlight I wanted to point out is the following quote that I have been trying to fit into my life. Mr. Sheen (that is what they are calling him at Warner Bros. right now so he doesn't fire everybody after he takes over the company) said, "I have tiger blood and Adonis DNA." This is totally awesome if you had to guess what type of animal blood and mythical DNA you had what would be? I think I would have raccoon blood and Pegasus DNA or potentially badger blood and Hephaestus DNA. I think the later is more accurate because the information I found on Hephaestus says that He is the only god to be physically ugly and He is also lame. It seemed funny so that is why I picked it. Also why would you create a God like that? So the moral of this week's letter is don't do drugs oh and don't be crazy. If you can avoid those two things everything else will be as easy as breathing.
Trivia Time: "What is worse? Going to a restaurant and ordering your favorite steak and when you're almost done with it you realize there is a scabby band aid under it or being struck by lightning?" What movie is this from?
Jenny said that nobody would take Grover Cleveland serious as the best President of United States because I said he was but if you do a little research you will find that we could use somebody like Grover running the show right now. See for yourself.
Have a good week I know I will
Eric Jones
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This message was approved by Eric Jones
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