Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.08
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt
-Mark Twain
Have you ever thought, “Oh man I have just the thing to write about this week,” and then you go to write it and that idea doesn’t come out? So I guess I will have to write about one topic that I know well. As I have mentioned previously Jenny and I live with two dogs, they are kind of like pets but really they are more than pets. They strut around like they own the place. I guess since they spend a lot more time at the house than we do, they do own the place you know under some common law principle. So like every person in this world the Dogs like to have a break and spend a night on the town sniffing stuff and running amuck (I know I love to go downtown and sniff stuff). I had just returned from the Real game and Jenny says to me she says, “Why did you take the wire out of the gate?” Now let me explain this to everybody but Jenny. Our back gate is a strong gate and could withstand the pounding from anything smaller than me but it has a fatal flaw. The latch can be popped open if you bump the gate with the appropriate rhythm and Frankie (the one we thought to be dumb) has figured that rhythm out. It is a lot like the code for Contra but it is on the gate instead of the paddle. So anyway I thought I had fixed the latch turns I didn’t and turns out Frankie noticed that the wire wasn’t in the latch so what does he do? Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A (The actual ‘Contra Code’). For those of you that don’t know what the Contra Code is it is a common code in the Konami games that allows you to cheat to win. I call it the Contra Code because that is where it gained notoriety. Anyway, away they went. So last time we learned that Roscoe and Frankie are actually in a 4-sqaure gang but do to the weather and curfew they went rogue. Jenny drove around with Gigi and checked all of the cool dog hangouts (fire hydrants, other dog houses, and 7-eleven) but they couldn’t see anything so they returned home hoping for the best. By the time I returned it had been 2 hours and the dogs were nowhere to be found. So I put my shoes back on and went out to find the dogs. As I was planning where to drive with other volunteer searchers (my dad who had just dropped me off) the prodigal dogs returned. Why do I say prodigal dogs? Because what we later found out by reading Roscoe’s journal (we are yet to find Frankie’s) is that the dogs had one wild night. Oh you thought a 4-square gang was bad news well I guess that the Great Danes (two of the other members of their 4-square gang the 5th is a long haired Chihuahua) have been holding Frankie back. Come to find out Frankie carries a switch blade in his collar, he is a lot like Dally from the Outsiders. Based on what we could interpret from Roscoe’s journal entry entitled, “The night I realized Frankie was more wild than domesticated,” it would appear that Jenny just missed the dogs at all of their hangouts. They stopped at the fire hydrant and did what they do best then it was onto the Border collie’s house where they teased him. We all know the Border collie is the nerd of the neighborhood so obedient always doing what is asked of him not like Frankie. Frankie is a renegade and rules can’t hold him back they just give him goals of things he needs to accomplish. That last sentence was supposed to portray Frankie as a dog that looks at rules not as guidelines for safety rather guidelines for things to do. You tell Frankie not to do something and boom before you know it he is doing that very thing. Such a little stinker. Anyway, Frankie and Roscoe ran their little hearts out to the 7-elevan and they really wanted to score some Slurpees but they are dogs and they don’t have money or thumbs to operate the Slurpee machine so instead they just peed on the bushes outside the building. From what we can interpret from a dog’s journal Roscoe started to get cold and didn’t want Jenny to worry too much so he told Frankie it is time to go home. Frankie called him a quitter and said, “If you want to run back to mommy then you go right ahead but I am cool here.” It only took one loud truck to scare Frankie into following Roscoe home. They returned save and sound but Jenny and I were instantly suspicious of what happened that night when we saw the candy cigarettes Frankie had rolled in his sleeve.
Trivia Time: Well we can call the Jazz season a success because they beat the Lakers in LA. What a bunch of jerks (The Lakers). This week’s question is based on the weather here it would appear that Hell has frozen over, so why aren’t Jazz winning the Championship this year?
Have a good week I know I will
Eric Jones
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