Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.23 (I have a case of the terrible twos)

                   Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.23
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt
-Mark Twain

There is a famous line from Kindergarten Cop, well maybe it is not one of the most famous lines of the movie but it is a line from the movie that I can tell you is too true. On his first day of being the substitute teacher Arnold leaves the class in a panic only to get some sound advice from another teacher. She said, "You know, kindergarten is like the ocean. You don't want to turn your back on it." I would like to say that you could also say 2-year olds are like the ocean you don't want to turn your back on them either. This past Friday I was in charge of Gigi and myself oh and the dogs all at the same time. Any way you slice this it is a bad idea. So there we were watching the Three Little Pigs, I thought Gigi was enthralled enough that I could take a quick cat nap. After being hit in the face a couple of times I was able to drift off to sleep. Roughly 20 minutes later I awoke to a loud crashing noise. Jumping to my feet a saw what I didn't want to see, an empty room, Gigi was nowhere to be found. I followed the noises coming from her bedroom only to see her sitting on the floor with only a shirt on. She was half way through changing her own diaper when she fell off her changing table (not the first time this has happened) and much to my chagrin she had pooped in the old diaper. I picked her up, by the armpits so as to stay clean, and put her back on the changing table. I asked her where her old diaper was. She politely responded that it had been discarded in the garbage. I figured once I get her cleaned up I could investigate if there was any human waste anywhere in the house where it shouldn't be. Quick side note several weeks ago Gigi did have an explosive BM and some of it spilled out of her diaper onto the floor. The dogs were gracious enough to help in the clean up process. This might explain two things, why I didn't find any Gigi pooh in the house and why you should let dogs lick you. Anyway back to the story at hand. I put on the new diaper and told Gigi to put on her own shorts. She is getting good at dressing herself now if we could just convince her to use the big toilet. I was shocked when I heard cries coming from my little angel saying she didn't want to put on her shorts. I thought what does a guy have to do to get some sleep around here? When I went to put her shorts on her I realized why she didn't want to put them on. Some of her business had made its way onto her shorts; my first thought was it is too hot to deal with this. Trying to cool the house down I turned on the swamp cooler while I put my daughter in non-waste soaked shorts. By the time this process was completed the cooler turned on and it sounded funny so needing an escape I told Gigi to watch a show because I needed to get on the roof. I went outside and left Gigi inside, she screamed and screamed that she wanted to come outside with me but I was "strong" and said no. Wouldn't you know it she can open up doors. I knew this but I was hoping that she had forgotten. So as I sat on the roof checking on the cooler it was a classic sitcom moment, when I needed a tool, rather than getting it myself I asked Gigi to hand it to me. That is when I did a double take and said, "What the hell are you doing on the roof Gigi?" She simply responded with a smile and a giggle and said, "Hi, dad." Fantastic, my daughter has little fear of the anything, I have only found one thing that she lives in fear of and that is bedtime. Heaven help me Gigi is either going to be a huge success in this life or a burden on the Federal court system. If only we could harness her energy into something great like unicycling or large animal training.

Trivia Time: So far only one person has ventured a guess on when BBJ will be born therefore Stephanie you are probably going to win something from Brenda's basement! Which animal would you rather own as a pet, a Giant Panda, a Walrus or a Donkey?

Have a good week I know I will
Eric Jones

This message was approved by Eric Jones

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