Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.29
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt
-Mark Twain
How many warts are too many? This is the question I have been asking myself the past year. I would say one wart is too many but you when you don't want to go have it burned off one wart is the right number. What are warts you ask? Warts are skin growths which are caused by the human papillomavirus (HPV) - they are non-cancerous. The virus causes keratin, a hard protein in the epidermis (the top layer of the skin) to grow too fast. Warts are different from moles. While moles are dark and can be quite large, warts tend to be small, skin-colored rough lumps. Warts most commonly appear on a person's hands and feet. How do you get warts you ask? Some have argued that you can get them from riding a tractor others dispute that fact and say they are passed on from the wart fairy (West Jordan Middle School, yes the fairy is an entire school). A more reputable website states the following about wart causation: Different HPV (human papilloma virus) strains cause warts. The wart-causing virus can be passed on by close skin-to-skin contact, as well as through contact with towels or shoes.
The wart-causing virus can be spread to other parts of the body in the following ways:
· If somebody scratches or bites a wart (Bitting warts is so tempting, I haven't done it but I bet they are salty)
· Sucking fingers (Only if there is BBQ sauce on them)
· Biting fingernails can cause warts to spread on the fingertips and around nails (If you don't have fingernail clippers what else you going to do?)
· Shaving (face or legs (I haven't shaved my legs with warts in a long time. So silky smooth if you do though.)
A person whose skin is damaged, wet, or comes into contact with rough surfaces is more likely to catch the infection. For example, a person with scratches or cuts on the soles of his/her feet is more likely to catch verrucas in and around public swimming pools.
As we all have different immune systems some of us may develop warts when we come into contact with HPV, while others don't. The risk of catching warts from another person is fairly small, but it exists. Genital warts are much more contagious.
After reading this delightful article the next time I get warts I am telling people that I have HPV. I am sure they will get confused and it will be delightful.
How do you get rid of warts? Oh there are several ways. You can go the medicine man and he will burn it off or freeze it off or he will cut it off. I am not sure about the cutting one but he can do it alright if that is what you are into. You can also try essential oils. I asked Mahina which oil would get rid of the wart. Once she told me I had to apply the oil continuously until it went away I said, "No thank you. I will just live ol' warty (ol' warty is what he liked to be called)." Brittany told me that you can buy over the counter wart removal stuff. I thought, "Buy? Over a counter? Sounds too risky I better just keep him." The wart and I had formed a bound but slowly I could feel the wart draining my powers. I couldn't let the wart win. I am man of this body and he is just a stupid wart. So one day I googled wart removal at home. Because if I was going to get rid of that thing it was going to happen, at home, for free, and it had to be comical in some way. So I found an instructional video on the internets that told me I could remove ol' warty with some duct tape, water and sand paper. I thought, "I have that stuff just lying around. This could be the remedy for me." So here is the technique. Cover the wart with duct tape for about 12 hours. Then soak the warted area in some nice warm water. I recommend, if the wart is on your hand then you should wash the dishes or if the wart is anywhere on your body you could go swimming for a long time. The key is you want that thing looking like a prune. Once you have the wart all wrinkly and moist take your sand paper (You can use a nail file but I found industrial strength sand paper requires a lot less effort) and smooth out the wart. It will probably scab over as did mine but once the scab is gone you are back to your smooth self. I will keep you posted if the wart comes back, but it has been 4 weeks and no sign of ol'warty.
Trivia Time: My favorite movie is Clue. How fast can an adult Cheetah run?
Have a good week I know I will
Eric Jones
This message was approved by Eric Jones
3 comments:
I answered the trivia last week and received no recognition or prize, I will not therefore be googling Cheetahs.
My Dearest Map Maker,
I am sorry that I did not recognize your answer last week as correct. I used to give out prizes and by used to I mean I used to tell people I would give them prizes but that got expensive. So now the only true reward is the thrill of getting the answer correct. I am sorry that I did not tell you that you were correct.
I appreciate you responding to the trivia and potentially reading a portion of the jumble that is my mind.
Sincerely,
Eric Jones
I was bout near brought to tears by your response. Not the same kind of tears brought on by songs about guys on buffaloes, but still I feel much better. Clue is pretty awesome. I will watch it again in the near future.
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