Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.32 (Eating is necessary but does it have to be boring?)

Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.32

It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt

-Mark Twain

At what point is too much meat being consumed? I have never been one to calorie count or even meal count. When I thought about food I would get food and put it in my food hole. Oh I am sorry some of you call it a mouth. But apparently there are healthy diets and then there is my diet.  I decided several months ago to limit my sugar intake but it is so hard when sugar made up 89% of my diet. Okay maybe those numbers are little bit skewed for comedy but still you get the idea that I would just drink a soda instead of eating some healthy nuts but I am not a squirrel so why would I eat nuts when I can drink Pepsi?  On Good House Keeping's website I found the following healthy diet for a man. I don't think it was a human man but nevertheless here it is. It is a lot different from the meals I had on Friday and Saturday. On Friday we went to dinner with my parents to Wingers, because my mom retired and congratulations to her. As most of you carnivores know they are doing their all can you eat wings. Oh when I was in High School I would do this several times while the promotion was running. As a man I have do it every other year or even more sparsely. I only ate 18 wings on Friday night, what a weakling, I used to be able to eat a healthy lunch then eat like 25 wings with ease. On Friday when I got to 15 I thought I will be regretting this for several days. Sure enough I have had what can only be described as a meat headache for about 40 hours now. On Saturday I saw that we might have to go to Sam's Club which means we might have to get a Polish dog from the Sam. But I told Jenny that we better not and that I should only eat a light lunch that day. Instead I ate a plate full of pot roast and carrots. At least there were carrots. I am yet to find a website that states what I did was healthy. Several sites say indirectly that what I did would cause a normal human to go into a comma of sorts. I guess it was all of the cheering I did on Saturday afternoon that ensured my survival. Anyway here is the meal plan for a healthy human man along with my commentary.

Breakfast (Usually I just eat inversion air and a Gatorade for breakfast)

• 1 cup Cheerios
• 1/2 cup berries (fresh or frozen)
• 1 cup fat-free or low-fat milk
• 1 whole-grain English muffin, toasted, topped with 2 teaspoons light butter or margarine

Mid-morning snack (What only one mid-morning snack? Also I wouldn't be caught dead eating such filth for a snack. I will just stick to my Doritos.)

• 5 pieces dried apricot
• 2 fig bar cookies (such as Fig Newtons)
• 1 cup tea with lemon

Lunch (The last time I used horseradish was on a dare and I will never make that mistake again.)

• Sandwich: one 6-inch whole-wheat pita, spread with 1 tablespoon light mayonnaise (flavored with 1/2 teaspoon horseradish) and stuffed with 2 ounces deli-style roast beef, 1-ounce slice of reduced-fat Cheddar cheese, 3 tomato slices and lettuce
• 6 baby carrots
• 1 banana, sprinkled with cinnamon

Afternoon snack (Yogurt, blah I would rather be fat.)

• 8 ounces fat-free plain or light yogurt (any flavor)
• 3 vanilla wafers (Now we are talking, wafers! I would multiple their number by 10 then call it good.)

Dinner (I am just going to scratch the dinner and salad and eat pizza.)

• 4 ounces grilled or broiled salmon (brushed with honey mustard and 1/2 teaspoon dried dill weed before cooking)
• 2/3 cup brown rice (garnished with 1 teaspoon toasted nuts) 
• 3/4 cup sliced asparagus spears, steamed or microwave, sprinkled with 1 teaspoon Parmesan cheese
• Salad: 2 1/2 cups baby spinach leaves topped with 1 tangerine, peeled and sectioned; 2 scallions, chopped; and 1 tablespoon chopped almonds; drizzled with 2 tablespoons sesame seed vinaigrette salad dressing
• 1 cup light ice cream (any brand that's about 100 calories for 1/2 cup)
• Water or other no-cal beverage

Trivia Time: What is best snack food?

Have a good week I know I will

Eric Jones

www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com

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This message was approved by Eric Jones