Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.48
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt
-Mark Twain
Coming off a weekend of watching over 30 hours of college basketball I thought about writing an observation on society as it relates to basketball standards (double meaning). You know talking about lowering the hoops so weaker people can feel good about themselves by being able to make shots or dunk in a glorious fashion. But then I realized that would be more for my own thoughts. Namely because I would have to draw conclusions and make points which I am not about to do. So instead I want to talk about Tide detergent theft, among other things. Apparently in some cities Tide detergent theft is on the rise. I always thought that in an economic down turn Brenda (mother-in-law) or Brenda like people would turn to charities before thievery of the ever crucial laundry detergent. We all know that she does a lot of laundry and apparently a lot of people that do drugs also do laundry. So here is the hook if you want to participate you will need the following. An addiction to drugs, a location where you can readily steal Tide detergent (any old grocer will do), and you will need to know a lot of people that like good deals on Tide detergent (This is where I benefit). I don't know why Jenny hasn't started buying detergent from these people because apparently they sell it for half price all of the time without a coupon. That is some sweet action. So the next time you are on the detergent aisle and a shady character tells you that you can a better deal if you go talk to Crazy Willy behind the dumpster, I say do it. Detergent is expensive. Especially if you do a lot of laundry or you are protecting your house from would be burglars (This is a Home Alone reference; if you didn't get it without the tip then you need to watch Home Alone more often).
After Jenny and I did our taxes this past week we have decided we really should start diversifying our assets and investing more money in stuff. I keep telling her that I invest a lot of money in Doritos but she that is not good enough. I just found where I would like to put my money. It might a little risky since I don't really know how I get a return on my investment but Pray, Montana is up for sell. It only costs $1.4 million dollars and comes equipped with a post office, trailer park, 5-acres of land 30 miles north of Yellowstone, 197 people, killer views and a home owned by the town's unofficial mayor, Barbara Walker (Not related to Barbara Walters, I checked). Walker and her husband purchased the town in 1953 but no longer wishes to be the owner since her husband passed away in 2006. If you are worried about the neighbors, don't because they include, Dennis Quaid, Peter Fonda, and Jeff Bridges. Since my birthday has already come and gone this year you can give it to me for Christmas this year. But it seems like a hot buy so you better get on it.
And the last gem I would like to talk about is a story from Philadelphia, although the story could have taken place in Murray if I rode the bus more often. Please note I haven't changed the name of what I consider to be a true American, scratch that world hero. I found this story on Yahoo News. The story states that everybody has been somewhere that another human is talking too loudly on their cell phone. Society has trained us to simply ignore that person as if they aren't talking. Some people do however ask them to be quiet or stop talking altogether. I usually just make comments under my breathe or turn my music up so I don't have to listen to their silly conversation. I have always wanted to try what Larry David does on Curb Your Enthusiasm. While sitting at dinner by himself he can hear the person next to him talking on his cell phone. Annoyed by this Larry starts having a conversation, out loud, with himself about his daily on goings. The cell phones user grows annoyed with Larry asking him why he is talking to himself to which he responds, "For all know you are talking to yourself too." Anyway back to the Philadelphia story. A man named Eric recently purchased a cell phone signal jammer to use on the bus. He only wanted to ride to work in peace and quiet. Personally I think that his idea is fantastic but apparently it is illegal. Eric tweeted about it and that is how he gained popularity for his heroics. Eric has since learned it is better to do and receive no notoriety for your actions. I wish movie theaters would install these great devices so I can enjoy a movie without being blinded by a text message that says something like, "OMG I think ur gr8." This was voted most frequently texted message of 2004.
Trivia Time: How are your brackets doing?
Quote of the Week: "Why we would expect them to go away. Dave Rose was supposed to die of cancer but he didn't. BYU won't quit so we have to stay on our game" – Buzz Williams (Coach of Marquette University men's basketball team)
Have a good week I know I will
Eric Jones
This message was approved by Eric Jones
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