Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.49
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt
-Mark Twain
I have had a hankering to participate in soccer for a good while now but I haven't had any opportunities. Last week my dear friend Danny Harris called me with the opportunity I have been seeking. He asked if Gigi would like to play on a 3-yr old soccer team. I told him that she would love to. Then he asked if I would like to be the coach. I have always wanted to coach a team to the championship and you always have to start somewhere. I guess my where a county recreation 3 year old team is. I think that the season is going to be hilarious and adorable all at the same time. I have a game plan already drawn up I am going to tell the kids to see the ball and run after it and try and put it in the goal. To expect anything more should be construed as insanity. Danny told me all I had to do was register Gigi before March 31. I knew that this would be a simple process that should require only 15 minutes of my time. Little did I know that the drive to the rec center would take 20 minutes? Blasted construction. That is okay I was still cool thinking of cuteness that I was striving to be a part of. Hearing Gigi cheers of, "Yeah, I am going to play soccer with the guys!" fueled my uncharacteristically patient demeanor (at this point). I wandered into the rec center seeing that the line was only two deep I knew that it would be a quick visit. As I listened to the person in front of me ask about every program offered at the rec center I grew weary of the workers knowledge of her job. It would have seemed that she had no idea what a computer was or how it could make her job a lot easier if properly used. While she was trying to provide more help to the person then what the person was asking a young family had entered the line behind me. The young daughter, with a prosthetic leg was excited to start gymnastics. The mom remarked that they were late for her class. Taking the initiative she told her daughter to go into the class and she would pay. I told the mom to go next so she could watch her daughter have fun in gymnastics. I thought that she had all of the paper work ready to go and all she had to was pay. Because there are limits to my niceness. I will only be nice like that if I think the process will move along quickly. Wouldn't you know the lady was not a boy scout, meaning she was not prepared like I was. I mean I wasn't a great boy scout but at least learned the importance of being prepared as much as you can. So as another 10 minutes ticked away from my life I remained calm as the line doubled in size behind me. Wouldn't you know the people right behind me were loud, obnoxious and smelly. I should have just turned around and asked them to not stand so close to me and to simmer down. Every time I took a half step forward they took a full step closer to my nose. Apparently you can pay a dollar and shower at the rec center. And I tell you what I was about to give each of them $5 so they could take 5 showers back to back to back to back to back because they needed them. They probably could have used the kindness in their lives as well. Alas I was given some more paperwork to quickly sign so I stepped out of line to free my nose from the smelly prison it had been incarcerated in. Thinking that I could just step right back into the line but the for brief 20 seconds I was out of line another mother took the initiative to register what seemed to be a seemingly endless stream of children. Finally a younger person came to the front desk seeing the struggles of the other worker began helping. The line quickly dissipated into me and a little boy that kept asking hilarious questions about topics not pertaining to the rec center. I took several depth breathes entertaining myself with the automatic card reader light as my paper work was being processed. I would get it to change from green to red and time how long it would take to revert back to its original state. Based on the law of averages the light returns to its original state after 5 seconds of not being agitated. What would I have done if it weren't for that little light? Let's just say I probably wouldn't pass the mandatory background check required for all volunteer coaches. I am sure the 4 week season was worth my 1 hour and 15 minutes of pure hell to register Gigi.
Trivia Time: Are you a man or a Muppet?
Quote of the Week: "Jenny, did you forget my birthday present?" – Brice Wright (You gotta love 5 year olds. If only we could all talk to each like 5 year olds and not get offended by what others say this world would be better.)
On his six month birthday Grayson began army crawling. You go boy!
Have a good week I know I will
Eric Jones
This message was approved by Eric Jones
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